Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think your dad took our porno
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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