I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize