Is it because I queefed?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
