The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
