): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
