We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
