OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
