So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
