Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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