I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
