I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
