The brown eye won't let me do that either.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
