Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
