Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
