Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
