Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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