I cockslap morals
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
