did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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