Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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