No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
