jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
