I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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