my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
