Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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