Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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