Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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