Swine flu. Run for my life!
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Randomize
