at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
