is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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