Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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