i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
