so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
