Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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