That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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