Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Pants are for mortals
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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