I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
