I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize