He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
