someone threw a dead crab at me
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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