OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
