i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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