Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
