i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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