Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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