but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
