Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
