just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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