Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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