there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
