Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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