Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
