mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I think i got beer on your cat.
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