Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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