why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
