He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
