hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
