Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
