What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
