I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
