Swine flu. Run for my life!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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