On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
