watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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