So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
