you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You are the jesus of drinking
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