I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He better not be in your backpack
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize