oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
