Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
