It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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