yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
