I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
