I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
