My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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